...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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