weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
