I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
