Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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