she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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