I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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