she was so not down for the gang bang
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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