how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
