Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
