I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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