I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
