you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
