dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
