i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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