I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
