Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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