dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
