ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
