so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The air taste purple.
Randomize
