Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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