For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
