i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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