god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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