I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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