Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
