I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
