he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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