Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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