I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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