I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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