she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
