Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
