you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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