he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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