I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize