it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
