Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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