Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
