If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
