You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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