there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
