I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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