The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize