he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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