i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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