It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
