when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
