I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
