It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
