Moan for me like Helen Keller
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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