Welp...herpes.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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