her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
