Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
