I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
