i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize