So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
