FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
how drunk are you?
Several
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize