my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
