i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
