You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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