im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love having hate sex.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
a search helicopter?!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
