So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my poor anus
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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