What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
