She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
