were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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