Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
