HIV tests are more positive than that guy
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
