Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
