one two three fourrrrnication!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
