Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
