I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize