wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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