before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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