Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
