He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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