my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
