You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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