Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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