He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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