That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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