Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
