Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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