I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
