Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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