as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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