people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My balls are so social today.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
