thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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