New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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