Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
