bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
