How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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