THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
