i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
