AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
