Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
