You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
