just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
