a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
