So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
