His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
