I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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