i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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