Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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