How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
