Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
