i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
