You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
