Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
