He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
