: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
