forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
