thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
