I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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