I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
