Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize