I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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